Your life is not a screenplay… you’re doing freaking improv.

by | Jul 18, 2015 | Self Care and Personal Development

I had a client today, and they were just awesome.  I love it when sessions go like this one did!  We laughed, we cried, we kabitzed.  Andsomething came up for them that was kind of like…

HOLY.

CRAP.

IHAVETOWRITEABLOGPOSTABOUTTHAT!

I know many of you have heard the saying, and I’m paraphrasing here, “Life is not a rehearsal.”  Or some such thing. Well, this was more about how we tend to try to plan out IN ADVANCE how conversations or experience are going to go with the people in our lives.  This could even be as simple as going to the store to return something.  WHICH SUCKS.  I can’t tell you how much I hate The Return Conversation.  ANYway, the conversation with a client in this predicament goes something like this:

ME:  So, why don’t you just ask him?

THEM:  What?!  If said THAT, than he would do THIS, and then I would have to cry and wail and then we would break up and GAH.

So, even though you do not have Crystal Balls at your disposal, you seem to be able
to describe exactly how so-and-so would react to you saying/doing something. Like a director of a screenplay, which would look like this:

INT.  LIVING ROOM OF FABULOUSNESS – NIGHT (cuz all dramatic things happen at night, am I right?)

TONY is pacing back and forth in front of the coffee table, waiting for Joan to come home.  She’s never late.  What could be wrong?

TONY

She’s never late. What could be wrong?

(Listen, I never said I was an oscar winning screenwriter)

INT.  BOOKSTORE – NIGHT

JOAN is nervous about going home and telling TONY that she maxed out their credit card on books AGAIN.  She knows he’s freaking out right about now.  She’s never late.  This is so wrong.

EXT. JOAN AND TONY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

JOAN pulls up to the driveway, sits in her car for a few minutes.  Through the window we can still see TONY, this time he is on his knees hands raised in fists, seemingly shouting something. 

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

TONY

STELLLLLLAAAAAA!!!!!!!  (pause)  STELLLLAAAAAA!!!  (he rises) Man, that’s good.  (looks up when JOAN walks in) Oh, hey hon, what took you so long?

JOAN enters, hiding her gargantuan bookstore bag lamely behind her back, clumsily shuffles towards TONY, and comes in for a side-ways kiss.

JOAN

Practicing for the play?  Looks good, I could see you through the window. ANYway, I was just, you know, doing this and that.  (waves unencumbered hand)

TONY

What’s that behind your back?

JOAN

(laughs nervously) Oh, this?  Uh, just some, you know, STUFF, for my boss, TOTALLY boring and everything.  GEEZ, I can’t believe HE made me pick this crap up… you know… for HIM.

TONY rushes JOAN and kisses her passionately while grabbing for the bag behind her back.  He pulls out some of the books.

TONY

“Ex-wives of Rock – The true TRUE not-reality-show-true Story”?  The Unauthorized Biography of He Who Shall Not Be Named?  The Devil Wears an Asshat.  Joan, just come clean.  We both know you have a serious book buying addiction.

JOAN

But you don’t understand, hon, these are all classics, and just so awesome, and and… I totally maxed out our credit card.  Again.

TONY

WHAT?!  THAT’S IT…. GET.  OUT!  And take your ASSHAT WITH YOU!!

TONY, enraged, throws the books and her hat shaped like an ass out on the front lawn.  JOAN slinks out the door, heartbroken.

Now, this is the kind of inner scene that “Joan” – read: me and you – plays out in their mind just at the very thought of bringing home a massive bag of books, or wine, or whatever.  But the thing is, we don’t really know how the person at home will react.  We have no idea!

That’s because life is in improv, not a screenplay, people.

In reality, Joan goes home and still tries to sneak the book bag in, and Tony surprises her with a gift card to the bookstore because she has had some books she’s been eyeing lately and he just got a big bonus at work.  That Tony.  He’s so sweet.

So, all of that angst, all of the worry and panic, over this imagined scene we are so sure is going to happen, is all for not.  And it robs us of any enjoyment in the present moment when we are swiping our credit card in the thing.  Not to mention, you sell your loved ones short by expecting them to react in a negative way.

You can’t predict the outcome any better than that octopus in Europe that has successfully predicted the winning soccer teams for the last eleven… nevermind. My point is this, once you truly accept and realize that you truly do not have a set of Crystal Balls, life will suddenly become easier.  You will feel LESS STRESS AND ANXIETY.  Right?  I mean, good lord, how much energy do you expend coming up with everyone’s actions and lines and stuff?  I know I used to expend A TON.  Go in fresh.

In improv you are given a set-up, like, “You’re in a phone booth.  You have no clothes on.  GO.”  And that’s it.  If you are in a scene with another person, you are both just making it up as you go along.  Neither one of you has any idea what the other person is going to do, say, or what direction the scene is going to go.

Um, kinda like life, right?

My opinion is, every single human being should take at least one improv class.  It will become clear in this class how often we “block”someone else’s idea, and how rigidly we hang on to what we believe is the best outcome in any given situation. In improv, you can’t do that.  In fact, there are games where you are “out” as soon as you block anyone’s idea.  You have to say ‘YES LETS!”  To any crazy assed idea that comes up in the scene.

Any.  Idea.

So, this could have you doing contortionism as a Russian spy on someone’s face.

I wish I were kidding about that.

And you know what?  It will be FUNNY.  There is nothing more funny than unplanned spontaneous improv.  It’s exciting, unnerving, and exactly like real life.

So, save yourself stress and anxiety and go with the flow.  Play the “yes” game.  Put on an Ass Hat and enjoy the ride.

Improv it up, bitches.

 

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3 Keys to finding peace in a chaotic world.

by | Jul 8, 2015 | Self Care and Personal Development

I don’t know about you, but I am always finding ways to quiehomer tankt my extremely busy brain. I’ll try pretty much anything, except maybe one of those isolation chamber water tank thingies.  I think I would go berserk in one of those!

There is one tarot card that speaks to how you can quiet your mind in every single moment, and it is often times is one of the most mis-understood cards in the whole deck…

 

HANGED MANThe Hanged Man

Now, I want you to just look at this image for a moment. What do you see?

Well, we can see that this poor guy is tied by his one foot to a tree, and it looks like his hands like he is trapped there, for some unknown reason.

But look at his face.  Does he looked stressed?  Not even a little bit.  Even his body looks relaxed, like his free foot just resting there.  And what is with that weird-assed halo thing around his head?

One word.

Enlightenment.

But, Lisa, you’re are probably saying to me.  Are you insane?!  The guy is TRAPPED for GAWD’S SAKE!

He is and he isn’t.  

The only place that ISN’T trapped is in his mind.  And this is where the three keys of finding peace in our chaotic world comes in.  

The Hanged Man is all about surrendering and letting go to what is. No matter how trapped you feel in your busy harried life, you always have a choice:  stay caught up in the stress and busyness of life, or let go and allow what is and just BE.

And what is this practice called?  You guessed it:  Mindfulness.

Now, yes there is much bally-hoo out in the world about mindfulness, Oprah tweets about it, Russell Brand talks in nothing but a towel about it, but truly the research around mindfulness cannot be ignored.  It creates calm waters in your nervous system AND your brain, IN SPITE OF any and all stress and chaos surrounding you!

So, how can you achieve The Hanged Man level of peaceful contentment and enlightenment?

Here are the three keys to help get you there:
  1. Meditation:  You didn’t think I wasn’t going to mention the overused “M” word did you? Well, I’m totally gonna. Meditation is the NUMBER ONE best thing you can do for your brain, your body, and your life.  AND it is the easiest and most difficult thing you can do to help you stay present and more calm in your life.  I Yoga paidthink what kept me from meditation, or at least doing it very sporadically all these years is because I thought I was sucking at it.  The thing is, you don’t have to try to stop your thoughts, cuz that’s ain’t never gonna happen… like, ever.  The idea is not to get attached to them as they float on by your consciousness.  So, get comfortable either sitting or lying down, and then just pay your full attention to your breath.  That’s.  It.  And when thoughts come, and they totally will, you just watch them without any judgement or interest.  Kind of like a floaty in the air going by you outside, if you started to obsess about every floaty that went by your field of view, you’d go nuts.  Don’t do that with your thoughts either while focusing on your breath.  “Oh, there I go… thinking.  Back to the breath.”  Over and over and over again.  Basically this is meditation…. failing and sucking at it over and over.  And with practice, you will have longer and longer periods of that delicious feeling of a still mind.  It’s awesome.
  2. Mindfulness in everyday activities:  Okay, so you’re driving your kid to soccer practice… again.. and you’re stuck in traffic… again.  Here is a great time to practice key number 2.  Immediately shift all of your attention to your physical body, mainly your hands and feet.  Really focus how your hands feel on the wheel and how your feet feel on the floor and pedals of your car.  Keep your attention on these physical feelings, and also your breath too, as an added bonus.  You can also move to your butt in the seat, or your back against it as well.  And this doesn’t mean you won’t feel frustrated and stress, but it will not engage your fight or flight system as deeply, and you will eventually not get as triggered by things like traffic, or just driving kids to and fro.
  3. Mindfulness eating:  Oh man, this is a biggie for me personally.  I am an inhaler, which means I eat ridiculously fast.  I work in the film industry from time to time, and have done for almost 20 years.  The first decade I worked a lot more, and my job I don’t really get a real lunch break and work for around 15 hours or more a day.  So, I had to get into this habit of eating and entire dinner sized meal in about 8 minutes.  I’m totally not even kidding.  This has stayed with me, and I eat like a maniac.  But more problematic is the mindless chip eating. Oy.  I can go through a GIANT Costco size chip bag in minutes.  Mindful eating is much like mindful daily activities.  You are paying attention to only the food and your eating it.  You are paying attention to how the fork feels in your hand, and how the food feels in your mouth.  You are breathing gently and savouring every bite. I’m not gonna lie, I hate this one.  I just can’t do it.  But, I will keep trying!

There are a couple of fantastic books I want to recommend to you if you are interested in learning more about this topic:

full catastrophe cover
Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zin Ph.D

This is a fantastic book for anybody, but particularly if you have some chronic pain, illness or stress in your life.  It outlines the 8-week program on Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) program.

 

 

 

mindfulness book cover

 

Mindfulness:  An Eight-week plan for finding peace in a frantic world. 

This is an excellent layman’s book with a TON of research supporting the awesomeness of a mindfulness practice.

Highly recommend!

 

 

 

 

I am in a course right now through a non-profit called Global Grassroots, they are a US based organization that offers support and healing for post trauma women around the world, and the first module is all about mindfulness.  My main “assignment” for this three months is to have a daily seven minute meditation practice.  Seven minutes. That’s it.  I’ll admit, I don’t always get to do it, but when I do, I always feel better, and it gets easier to slide into that state each time I do it.

What about you?  Do you have a mindfulness practice?  If you do, share in the comments below what it looks like, so we can all learn from each other!

Have the Best.  Day.  E-V-E-R.

 

my signature with xo