I had a client today, and they were just awesome. I love it when sessions go like this one did! We laughed, we cried, we kabitzed. Andsomething came up for them that was kind of like…
HOLY.
CRAP.
IHAVETOWRITEABLOGPOSTABOUTTHAT!
I know many of you have heard the saying, and I’m paraphrasing here, “Life is not a rehearsal.” Or some such thing. Well, this was more about how we tend to try to plan out IN ADVANCE how conversations or experience are going to go with the people in our lives. This could even be as simple as going to the store to return something. WHICH SUCKS. I can’t tell you how much I hate The Return Conversation. ANYway, the conversation with a client in this predicament goes something like this:
ME: So, why don’t you just ask him?
THEM: What?! If said THAT, than he would do THIS, and then I would have to cry and wail and then we would break up and GAH.
So, even though you do not have Crystal Balls at your disposal, you seem to be able
to describe exactly how so-and-so would react to you saying/doing something. Like a director of a screenplay, which would look like this:
INT. LIVING ROOM OF FABULOUSNESS – NIGHT (cuz all dramatic things happen at night, am I right?)
TONY is pacing back and forth in front of the coffee table, waiting for Joan to come home. She’s never late. What could be wrong?
TONY
She’s never late. What could be wrong?
(Listen, I never said I was an oscar winning screenwriter)
INT. BOOKSTORE – NIGHT
JOAN is nervous about going home and telling TONY that she maxed out their credit card on books AGAIN. She knows he’s freaking out right about now. She’s never late. This is so wrong.
EXT. JOAN AND TONY’S HOUSE – NIGHT
JOAN pulls up to the driveway, sits in her car for a few minutes. Through the window we can still see TONY, this time he is on his knees hands raised in fists, seemingly shouting something.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
TONY
STELLLLLLAAAAAA!!!!!!! (pause) STELLLLAAAAAA!!! (he rises) Man, that’s good. (looks up when JOAN walks in) Oh, hey hon, what took you so long?
JOAN enters, hiding her gargantuan bookstore bag lamely behind her back, clumsily shuffles towards TONY, and comes in for a side-ways kiss.
JOAN
Practicing for the play? Looks good, I could see you through the window. ANYway, I was just, you know, doing this and that. (waves unencumbered hand)
TONY
What’s that behind your back?
JOAN
(laughs nervously) Oh, this? Uh, just some, you know, STUFF, for my boss, TOTALLY boring and everything. GEEZ, I can’t believe HE made me pick this crap up… you know… for HIM.
TONY rushes JOAN and kisses her passionately while grabbing for the bag behind her back. He pulls out some of the books.
TONY
“Ex-wives of Rock – The true TRUE not-reality-show-true Story”? The Unauthorized Biography of He Who Shall Not Be Named? The Devil Wears an Asshat. Joan, just come clean. We both know you have a serious book buying addiction.
JOAN
But you don’t understand, hon, these are all classics, and just so awesome, and and… I totally maxed out our credit card. Again.
TONY
WHAT?! THAT’S IT…. GET. OUT! And take your ASSHAT WITH YOU!!
TONY, enraged, throws the books and her hat shaped like an ass out on the front lawn. JOAN slinks out the door, heartbroken.
Now, this is the kind of inner scene that “Joan” – read: me and you – plays out in their mind just at the very thought of bringing home a massive bag of books, or wine, or whatever. But the thing is, we don’t really know how the person at home will react. We have no idea!
That’s because life is in improv, not a screenplay, people.
In reality, Joan goes home and still tries to sneak the book bag in, and Tony surprises her with a gift card to the bookstore because she has had some books she’s been eyeing lately and he just got a big bonus at work. That Tony. He’s so sweet.
So, all of that angst, all of the worry and panic, over this imagined scene we are so sure is going to happen, is all for not. And it robs us of any enjoyment in the present moment when we are swiping our credit card in the thing. Not to mention, you sell your loved ones short by expecting them to react in a negative way.
You can’t predict the outcome any better than that octopus in Europe that has successfully predicted the winning soccer teams for the last eleven… nevermind. My point is this, once you truly accept and realize that you truly do not have a set of Crystal Balls, life will suddenly become easier. You will feel LESS STRESS AND ANXIETY. Right? I mean, good lord, how much energy do you expend coming up with everyone’s actions and lines and stuff? I know I used to expend A TON. Go in fresh.
In improv you are given a set-up, like, “You’re in a phone booth. You have no clothes on. GO.” And that’s it. If you are in a scene with another person, you are both just making it up as you go along. Neither one of you has any idea what the other person is going to do, say, or what direction the scene is going to go.
Um, kinda like life, right?
My opinion is, every single human being should take at least one improv class. It will become clear in this class how often we 
“block”someone else’s idea, and how rigidly we hang on to what we believe is the best outcome in any given situation. In improv, you can’t do that. In fact, there are games where you are “out” as soon as you block anyone’s idea. You have to say ‘YES LETS!” To any crazy assed idea that comes up in the scene.
Any. Idea.
So, this could have you doing contortionism as a Russian spy on someone’s face.
I wish I were kidding about that.
And you know what? It will be FUNNY. There is nothing more funny than unplanned spontaneous improv. It’s exciting, unnerving, and exactly like real life.
So, save yourself stress and anxiety and go with the flow. Play the “yes” game. Put on an Ass Hat and enjoy the ride.
Improv it up, bitches.
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